I came home to find Faith lying on top of Hope's already cold body. Hope hasn't been well for a long time but she's been trying to get better. I guess today, she lost the battle. This is depressing, bawled my eyes out. Too sudden... she was fine this morning before i left for work. Faith's going nuts in the cage now, i can tell she misses Hope. She's scratching at the door, wanting out. She never does that. I hope she doesn't die from depression. I need to get her a friend soon... DAMN IT. SHIT HAPPENS ONE AFTER ANOTHER. Waiting for the people to come collect Hope's body... having her cremated and her ash sent back to me after it's done. I still can't believe it... fuck. I miss her already... she would come up to greet me everytime i come home from work. I'm going to have to get used to not seeing her. *sobz* Hope, wherever you are, mummy misses you... =(

02 Sept 2008 - 21 Nov 2009

So this is just some random entry... you know about what's been going on. As you all already know, i went through a recent heartbreak. From the start, right to the end, it was completely different from every other relationship i've ever had. So yeah i was thinking about how fast i had it all blocked out and recovered from it (sort of, every heartbreak leaves a scar, i'm guessing i need a plastic surgeon soon). This time, i took a different approach to healing. I used to avoid everything that had a memory attached to him, us. Like photos, songs, places, people, etc etc, you get the picture. This time, i went HEAD ON. I listened to the songs he dedicated to me repeatedly, i spoke to his family all the time, i looked at videos and listened to sound clips he made, i looked at pictures, i even think about him all the time, every single thing he said. Torture? No. I found it surprisingly easy to let go when you actually have the courage to face it. Fuck, what have i been doing all those years? Boy, am i glad i did what i did. 2 - 3weeks, was all it took. HA! Shortest heartbreak ever (in my records)! Not that i loved him less, not that i hated him more... i just don't care enough to feel anything anymore. WOOHOO~ *swings panties*

Russian : Faith, Truth
Old Greek : Bearer Of Victory, True Image
Old Welsh : White, Blessed, Fair, Holy, Smooth

[ 2 syll. ve-ra, ver-a ] The girl name Vera is pronounced as VEHRah KEY. Vera is used predominantly in the Czech, Dutch, English, German, Hungarian, Italian, Russian, Scandinavian, and Slavic languages. It is derived from Old Welsh, Russian, and Old Greek origins. Old Welsh, Russian, and Old Greek origin, Czech, English, German, Russian, and Scandinavian use: The name is derived from the Russian 'viera' (faith), or else from the Latin 'verus' (true). The name was adopted by English speakers in the late 19th century, its popularity enhanced by the appearance of the name for characters in a few literary works including the Ouida novel Moths (1880), and the Elizabeth von Arnim novel Vera (1921).

The name Vera is widely used; it has 23 forms that are used in both English and other languages. Forms of Vera used in English include Lavera, Verda, Verdell, Vere, Verena (also used in German), Verene, Verina, Verine, Verla, and Verlene. The pet form Verdie is another English variant.

Foreign forms of the name include Veera (Finnish), Verasha (Russian), Verinka (Russian), Verka (Czech and Russian), Veruska (Czech), Verusya (Russian), Viera (Czech), Wera (German, Polish, and Scandinavian), Wiera (Polish), Wiercia (Polish), and Wierka (Polish). Another foreign variant is the pet form Verica (Slavic).

In addition, Vera is a pet form (Czech, Dutch, English, German, Hungarian, Italian, Russian, Scandinavian, and Slavic) of the name Guinevere (English and French).

Vera is also a pet form (Czech, Dutch, English, German, Hungarian, Italian, Russian, Scandinavian, and Slavic) of the name Veronica (English, Italian, and Romanian).

See also the related forms, Vero (Italian) and Vero (English).

Vera is an uncommon baby girl name. At the height of its usage in 1906, 0.346% of baby girls were given the name Vera. It had a ranking of #68 then. The baby name has fallen from favor since then, and is currently of very modest use. In 2008, within the family of girl names directly linked to Vera, Veronica (English, Italian, and Romanian) was the most frequently used. The name Vera has been mainly given to girls, though it has also been used as a boy name in the last century. There were 62 times as many girls than boys who were named Vera in 1906.

Baby names that sound like Vera include Vero (English), Viera (Czech), Vira (Italian), Wiera (Polish), Varya (Russian), Veera (Finnish), and Vere (English).

Don't you sometimes wonder... why you keep trying and trying and nothing ever seems to work out? Didn't everyone tell you, that if you tried hard enough, if you wanted it bad enough, if you prayed hard enough, you would get it? Why is it that everything i do, no matter how fucking hard i try, i'll never be good enough? I'm so tired... tired of trying and people focusing on the bad stuff instead of the good. It's been that way since i was a kid and it still is that way even as an adult. Is there not one person capable of appreciating my efforts and giving me credit for it. NO? The human species needs some cleaning up. 2012. I'm so fucking ready.

Right, where should i start? Hmmm... I've been doing alot of thinking and soul searching. Like asking myself... what do i want... who am i... what the fuck is going on right now? You know, trying to clear my head and shit. This time it's different. Not like... boohoo i'm so depressed... boohoo i'm so confused... why, why, why is this happening to me. Nope. Not that. I'm just giving my head a little shake, hoping to get a clearer picture of what lies ahead.

The only issues bugging me right now are my job (been having a little problem with that), which i will not discuss by the way. Never know when some shit face asshole will come along and try to get the inside on that. FUCK YOU IF YOU'RE READING THIS YOU CUNT! And... Dad. I got an SMS that he's in the hospital. I won't allow myself to respond to that SMS. I didn't call, didn't return the SMS, didn't bother to do anything. It's bugging on my conscience. But i won't allow myself to do that. Does anyone want to throw rotten eggs at me now? Go ahead. I deserve it. This is how i "ice" myself. By not allowing myself to feel, not even for family. Alright, you may hit me now. I officially suck.

And then there's the people around me. Everyone seems to be getting on my nerves. It's like... i get so irritated with people easily these days. My bullshit tolerance level is 0, maybe a negative value even. You could be standing there minding your own business and i'd get extremely irritated with you. Gee, i'm such a bitch.

I'm sick and tired of people giving me "I don't know" as an answer. I mean i say it all the time. Like when i don't give a shit or if you're asking a stupid question or out of habit, i'd go "Oh, i don't know... BUT... BLAH BLAH BLAH". You see what i mean? Like when i have a conversation with someone and we're like discussing about important stuff and you ask "So what's your plans, like what do you want?" or, let's say a relationship question... "So how's it going with XXX, how do you feel about him/her?". I hate it... i hate it. When people give "I DON'T KNOW" to such questions. Like what? You don't know what you fucking want? You don't know if you're in love or if you're having a good time? Simple question, stupid answers. Seriously, if your answers to these questions are "I don't know". When it doesn't work out, ask yourself why. It's because you don't fucking know you douche bag. You do it over and over and over, and you still haven't figured it out. Clueless people. Ships NEED to be steered or they'll drift out to sea and get lost and maybe even get into ship wreaks. Go figure.

Ok i got carried away there... forgot what else i had to say. Hmmm... i really should get something for my memory. Like ginko nuts or something. I'm 26 going 27, but my memory's that of a 80 year old grandma. Boo. Well i'll be back. When i remember what else it was i had to say. Lol~ Here's a recent picture of Ashley.